The other day, a person emailed me and called me out on Twitter because he found a typo in my book.
He was seriously angry. “What the hell man?” He wrote. And then he went on talking about how I should read my own books and that I’m a bad writer.
I told him to screw himself and get away from his bedroom, hating on people through his keyboard.
You know, it’s just like dealing with an impolite or aggressive person at work or in daily life. There are A LOT of mean people in the world. Since I often get questions from friends and readers about how I deal with them, let me share that here.
First, I want to share this quote with you from Marcus Aurelius from 2000 years ago:
“When you wake up in the morning, tell yourself: the people I deal with today will be meddling, ungrateful, arrogant, dishonest, jealous and surly. They are like this because they can’t tell good from evil.”
Nothing has changed. People are still like that. And even the toughest and most skillful people on the planet can get self-conscious about dealing with bad people.
One of my readers recently told me that he spent 10+ years in the Army facing people who tried hard to kill him, which was no problem. But he had a hard time sharing his writing online. I completely get that.
Dealing with the criticism and hate of others can be paralyzing. And we must address that.
First: Let’s accept that manners are no longer the default
Look, I’m not that old (38), but I still grew up in a time where my entire environment emphasized the value of having manners and just be a civilized human being.
At home, school, sports, friends, family, you name it. People never hesitated to point out that something is impolite. Here’s just some stuff that I was taught early on:
- Speak softly in public
- Always say thank you
- Smile politely to folks
- Greet your neighbors and strangers on the street
- Don’t block aisles or sidewalks and always let people pass
- Keep clean (use deodorant at minimum)
- Be aware of your surroundings, respect personal space
My default setting is always to be polite. Still. But here’s where I differ when it comes to most polite people.
When I sniff that someone is not polite or behaving like an uncivilized human being, I respond with the same energy. Yes, I get it, always carry yourself well, but here’s what I think: Don’t let people walk over you.
Politeness doesn’t mean weakness. Being courteous doesn’t mean you’re anyone’s doormat.
And I surely don’t let an ungrateful person talk to me in a bad manner.
Some tips to develop a thicker skin
I think it’s beneficial to develop a thick skin. Especially if you’re that super polite person who is always very considerate. You’re always thinking of other people but you find that other people don’t care about you!
That’s a very bad feeling. And I think rude people don’t deserve your polite energy. Instead, we need to treat those annoying people like someone with thick skin.
Here are practical tactics to stop caring so much about rude people:
1. Don’t Shy Away From Confrontation
Confrontation isn’t bad. If someone gets rude, it’s okay to meet their energy. Stand your ground without spiraling into an argument. Confidence grows from standing firm. Often, rude people back down when met with calm, direct assertiveness.
2. Remember: It’s Never Personal
Trolls and critics rarely know you. They’re venting their own issues. When someone flips out over trivial mistakes, it says more about their life than yours. Maybe their job sucks, their relationships are failing, or they’re simply bored. It’s their problem, not yours.
3. Publish Something Online
Post your thoughts openly, even if anonymously at first. Invite feedback, both good and bad. Exposure is therapy. You learn to detach yourself from judgment. Each publication makes you stronger, more resilient, and less affected by negativity.
4. Keep Perspective
Think big picture. We’re stressing about a tweet or typo while millions of people face real issues like poverty, hunger, war. It shrinks your worries fast. Remind yourself regularly that these minor annoyances of life don’t matter in the grand scheme.
5. Accept Not Everyone Will Like You
Who cares? You can’t please everyone. Some won’t like your style, opinions, or even face. Good. Life gets better once you accept this. Focus your energy on people who genuinely appreciate you and your work.
6. Vent Then Delete
Create a private “trash-talk file”—vent aggressively about critics. Then delete it. This lets off steam without public drama. Rinse, repeat. This tactic helps keep your emotions stable, allowing you to respond professionally instead of emotionally.
7. Build Your Inner Circle
Surround yourself with positive, supportive people. A strong network of friends and peers can reinforce your self-confidence. When negativity strikes, lean on your inner circle to restore your perspective.
8. Laugh It Off
Humor disarms negativity. Find amusement in rude remarks or absurd criticism. Turn insults into anecdotes or jokes. When you laugh, the insult loses power.
Here’s how you can apply all the above in daily life (online and offline):
- Mute or block instantly: Don’t hesitate. Remove negativity quickly.
- Respond or walk away: It’s okay to bite back. But just make sure to walk away just as fast. If you’re someone who frets about what you said, just walk away.
- Use humor: Sarcasm can deflate tension instantly.
- Stay busy: Focus on your goals, not distractions.
We need to push back
We, as polite people, need to push back against the annoying people of the world. I genuinely believe that. We can’t accept the uncivilized behavior of others.
The other day I was standing in line at a beach bar in southern Spain when a lady jumped in front of me and ordered a bag of potato chips.
I immediately said, “What’s this type of animalistic behavior?” I was a bit too angry. I could’ve said impolite instead of animalistic, but let me give you the context.
My pregnant wife was throwing up on the beach a few moments before I was standing in line. I was trying to quickly get a bottle of water for her when that situation happened.
The lady immediately looked down and started apologizing. But get this. The person who worked there just proceeded to help the woman. And even the lady just proceeded with her order of a bag of potato chips.
Anyway, did the woman learn a lesson? I don’t think so. But at least I got it off my chest in the moment. That’s what counts the most. After I got my water and my wife was ok, I forgot about the situation.
As Marcus Aurelius said, we need to deal with annoying people because that’s life.
There’s only one thing that matters. You want to look at yourself in the mirror every day and think, “I’m doing the right thing.”
And as long as you’re happy and content with what you’re seeing, you don’t have to worry about what others say or do.
